Finding the "Me" in "Us"

Before McKay and I got married I was always pretty independent. He likes to joke about the time I told him, "I'm an independent woman, and I don't need a man in my life (I just want one)." McKay also likes the story of when we were FHE family (before we dated) and went sledding with our FHE group. I forgot to bring gloves and my hands were freezing. A few of the guys in the group, including McKay, offered to let me use their gloves. I didn't much want help or want to admit that I was freezing so I declined their offers. I had no problem doing things by myself and for myself.

When McKay and I started dating we tried to spend all of our spare time together. This often meant grocery shopping, attempting to do our homework, walking to class; all of this together. We loved the time we spent together and felt like we couldn't get enough of together time. Doing everything together continued into our married life and it has been wonderful that we never get tired of spending time together. 

A few months ago it was time to go grocery shopping. We were busy and trying to fit in a time to do the shopping together was challenging. McKay asked if I could go by myself while he was at work. Could I? Of course I could, but I hadn't gone shopping by myself in a very long time. It was at this point that I realized a lot of my independent-ness had faded. I didn't go places alone very often. I often had help from McKay when I do difficult things. Basically, I'd gone to the other side of the spectrum and had become pretty dependent. Along with becoming dependent, I realized I didn't have hobbies, friends, and many other things that belonged solely to me. I share everything with McKay. 

Now, don't get me wrong, this is not a bad thing. McKay is my husband and I love sharing my life with him. But I feel like while we've developed a concrete "us", my individual Brittany-ness has faded just a tad. While McKay and I both love being a family and sharing hobbies and such, I think its important to keep a hold of what makes us unique from each other and individuals. That is what I've kinda lost sight of. 

Side note:

Pair this with the fact that we thought we'd be parents by now. This means I've felt a little lost. I'm not at the stage of life I thought I would be at 25. I'm not a parent, I haven't discovered my calling or career. All of this adds together to make me feel like I need to "rediscover" myself and who I am right now.

So, the past few months have been a journey of figuring out how to be Brittany & McKay, and also just Brittany. I'm finding a happy medium. I've made a list of hobbies I want to try: spoon carving, crocheting, ribbon embroidery, etc. I'm slowly working through the list and finding what I love. I am thinking about traveling some, by myself or with my mom. I'll probably plan trips to visit family in San Diego, Texas, and Indiana. 

Another big part of rediscovering myself is getting back to being as active as I use to be. With Rexburg being as small as it is, before I had a car I would walk everywhere around the city. That kept me in shape. My roommate, Hannah, and I once ran 14 miles together and loved the whole experience. I grew up hiking practically every weekend with my family. I have a very active background, and recently I've been doing a lot of sitting. So, I'm working at sitting less and moving more. Last week I applied to participate in a six week Crossfit challenge that includes three workouts a week with a coach, and nutrition counseling. The gym that is holding this "boot camp" only wanted to accept 15-20 women into the challenge, but they were interviewing 50-60 women. I really wanted to be accepted so that it could be a kickstart for me to really get in shape and make it a lifestyle. I heard back from the gym on Friday and I have been accepted! I am extremely excited! And also a little nervous. Everything I've heard about crossfit makes it sound intimidating and so intense. But I am going to work hard and get sore and love it!

I am planning on hiking The Grand Canyon rim-to-rim in the middle of May with some friends. After that I want to keep planning things in the future that will keep me working towards something. I want to do a marathon or a triathlon. I want to hike, backpack, run, ride my bike, and find other activities to love. 

I'm really excited to be rediscovering myself (as corny as that may sound). I'm having a blast trying different things and finding some things that are more enjoyable to share with McKay, while finding others that I will enjoy by myself. McKay has been so supportive of this journey and I love him all the more for it! He has been working on some of his own projects too including a piece of software that he's been wanting to program for the past ten years. It is so fun hearing how the project is coming along, and where McKay wants it to go. 

Being married to McKay has been the best thing in my life! I love having an "us", having a family together and developing our own family culture, traditions, and hobbies. I also love watching us grow and develop together and apart. McKay is such an amazing, kind, smart, wonderful man. I didn't think he could get any better, but through every experience we have he has grown and become even more wonderful. It is such an awesome thing having someone to support and having them support you too. He's great, we're great, life is great. 

Stay tuned for next week's episode ;)  

Cheers!