Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

I try not to blog about infertility too often because I don't want people to think thats all I ever think about, but something kind of big happened this week.

After I had my hysterosalpingogram done, McKay and I decided we would wait two months before we did any other tests or asked my doctor what else we could do. Two months have passed and nothing new. Previously, during visits with my doctors they have suggested that I might not be ovulating regularly and this could be the cause of our infertility. So, this week McKay and I decided to ask my doctor for a medication called Clomiphene. Clomiphene is supposed to force my body to ovulate. I called and asked for a prescription and  was told that the doctor would give me one for Clomiphene, and one for Metformin. The Metformin was because the doctor is pretty sure that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I've been suspecting this for a while now, but it was news to me that my doctor thought so too. I won't go into detail, but every doctor I've been to I've asked about the possibility of having PCOS. Every doctor I've been to has seemed to think that was not the issue for me, until now. Along the way I have found out tidbits about my body that has led me to suspect PCOS, but without a diagnosis from a doctor I was never sure. It's a relief now to have the diagnosis.

PCOS is a condition that keeps a woman's body from ovulating regularly. Often times the woman will have cysts on her ovaries. Insulin resistance is thought to be a possible cause.  This causes hormone imbalances, weight gain, acne, dark hair where women shouldn't have dark hair, and all kinds of other issues. Luckily, I feel like mine is only mild. I do have some of these symptoms, and I am slightly insulin resistant. 

On Thursday, when I was diagnosed, I felt pretty devastated. My body is the cause for McKay and I not having children. I was frustrated with the doctors I've been to. Why hadn't they been able to realize that I had PCOS long before now? And I was sad. PCOS isn't curable and I'll probably have to deal with it each time I want to get pregnant. 

But, on the flip side, we finally know why we haven't been able to get pregnant. We finally have a cause, and while it isn't curable, it is treatable. And that part is so relieving. The Metformin that my doctor prescribed for me is supposed to help my body use insulin better which should help everything else along. So on Friday afternoon I picked up my prescriptions and am now looking forward to seeing how the medication helps my body. 

McKay and I have a renewed hope that with this diagnosis and treatments its possible that we might be welcoming a baby into our family within the next year. There is always the possibility that the strength and amount of the meds will need to be adjusted before it actually works for us. But we're hopeful again and feel happy. 

Other Things That Happened This Week:

Watched an episode of Planet Earth II (I love nature documentaries)

Hiked the Y, twice (training for the Grand Canyon)

McKay turned down a job offer (it just wasn't tempting enough)

Saw my lovely twin Larissa and met my new cute nephew

Had a picnic in a park with McKay (the weather has been really beautiful)

Daddy Rosa

Wow! After last week's post we received so many loving, supportive comments. Thank you all so much! The Lord has truly blessed us with angels for friends and family. 

This week I was able to drive my parents to the airport before McKay and I started our week of house sitting and dog sitting. My mom left in the morning and my dad's plane flew out in the evening. Since Dad and I were already in Salt Lake we decided we'd make a day out of it. We dropped Mom off and then headed to a disc golf course. Dad has gotten into the game in the past year or so and I've only played once. So Dad showed me the ropes and we had a blast. Whenever I pick up a frisbee it takes me a few throws to really get in the groove of throwing it correctly and well. So I didn't do great for the first few baskets. The course went all over a large field and it was challenging to find the next tee-off for each basket. There were a few holes that were right along the banks of a river. It was nerve-racking throwing those because my discs always end up  curving to the left at the end of the throw, straight towards the river. I was really careful and we didn't lose our discs. We had so much fun playing and it was beautiful day to be outside. Afterwards we dropped by Kristen's house and she and her boys joined us on our adventure to the Great Salt Lake. None of us had ever been out to the lake. We drove just far enough to find a beach that we could let the boys play on. Unfortunately none of us had brought our swimsuit, so I can't tell you if you float really well. Plus the water was pretty cold, so I'm not sure if we would have gotten in even if we had our swimsuits. But it was beautiful. Dad and I ended our day with a stop at a barbecue restaurant which was so tasty! After that, I drove Dad to the airport and then headed home. 

I love spending time with Dad. He has always made spending time together feel special. The summer after I graduated high school Dad and I planned the first of three annual backpacking trips together. All of my friends had already headed off to college and Mom and Jessica went to girls camp, leaving Dad and I at home together. So we planned a trip for somewhere we'd never hiked before. It was definitely an adventure and a learning experience. I'll just say that we were sure glad we were using walking sticks, and we planned on bringing snake bite kits on trips after that. We got to go on two more backpacking trips together in the following years and always had so much fun together. I felt special that Dad took just me on a trip. Dad and I had three or four days to spend hiking/camping, chatting, and enjoying nature together. We had some really good conversations and some really good runs in the middle of the night, chasing after raccoons that stole our bags.

I was really blessed with such a wonderful dad that made time to spend with his family. He made all of us kids feel special and feel as if our opinion mattered. Dad is a worthy priesthood holder and always offered Father's blessings every year before school began. He was always prepared to give counsel and advice when we needed it, and still does when we ask for it. He sure is a wonderful man!

Other things I did this week:
Hiked with Kristen
Hiked the Y
Went to an indoor football game with Jessica and Cody
Helped people in the ward move
Ate at a yummy hotpot in Provo
Finished week three of crossfit
Skyped with Sonnie and Alex

Our Journey with Infertility

I created this blog so that I can keep my friends and family in the know. I want them to be involved in my life and to know how we are enjoying life. I also created the blog and titled it "Joy in the Journey" to try to force myself to see the Joy in the Journey. 

The idea to start a blog like this came from a friend of mine who has been going through a pretty tough trial for that past 6-8 months and has started a blog to try to reach out to those who need help finding joy. I'm not sure if she realizes just how much I admire her ability to share what she is going through and to use this trial to serve others; to show others that, although there are trials, we can find joy, we can count our blessings, we can still believe that life is good. I love reading her blog because she always shares tough times and blessings in the same post. In fact, she often shares that tough times are blessings. It is inspiring. 

So my current struggle is with infertility. McKay and I got married in August 2013 and by February 2014 were ready to bring kids into our life. I knew that my body needed some time to adjust after I went off birth control so the first month or two of negative pregnancy tests weren't surprising. We both got extremely excited about the prospect of having a baby within the next year. I started researching what type of birth experience I wanted to have. I watched a lot of documentaries and read a lot of books. I even went so far as to look at OBGYN's and midwives nearby. I knew what I wanted when the time came.

But month after month passed and there was never any exciting news.
We had a group of newly-wed friends that slowly, one by one, started announcing their pregnancies. We were so ecstatic for them. We were also a little confused and heartbroken. Why wasn't it happening for us? It was difficult. A big reason why it was difficult is because of the private, and sacred, nature of how life is created. You just don't go around telling people about that. We both felt like we couldn't ask if anyone else was having trouble and we couldn't just tell someone that we were having trouble.

As dramatic as it sounds, we continued on silently. We kept our struggle to ourselves.

I avoided a friend's baby shower because I had gotten a negative pregnancy test only a few days before. I wanted to be there to support her, especially since the shower was held in the same building we lived in. But I was feeling emotional that day and didn't feel like I could be as enthusiastic as she deserved.

It was tough meeting new people. After finding out how long we had been married the next question was often if we had kids. When we politely said not yet we received a variety of responses. "That's smart to wait till you're done with school", or, "Good, enjoy the time you have just the two of you". We had started trying before either of us were done with school, and although we definitely see it as a blessing now, the time we spend just the two of us has been three years of wishing it was the three of us.

The point is, we didn't feel like we could tell people that we had been trying to get pregnant. We felt like it would be awkward and painful. After about a year of no success I finally had enough of keeping it secret. I wanted our family to know. I knew if we wanted a miracle we needed prayers from those who love us. I emailed my whole family, Rosa's and Warnick's. We received such an outpouring of love and support, and a much needed joke to help lighten our moods a little. 20 extra people were praying for us. Honestly, once our family was in the know I felt like we had a lot more strength and patience poured out on us from the Lord. Right now is not when the Lord wants us to have a baby, but the prayers from our family have definitely blessed us with what we need to endure.

Once the word was out to the family I felt so much better. I realized that before I was able to talk to others about it, all of our feeling of sadness, heartache, and confusion were kept cooped up. They ended up filling us to the brim to the point that it was all we could think about. Opening up was so relieving. I ended up telling a few friends and then another year later opening up completely. Infertility and all that goes with it is a very taboo topic in today's world and I knew that I wasn't the only one that needed someone to talk to about it. I wanted to raise awareness and let other couples know they weren't alone.

Meanwhile, after we hit our year mark of trying to get pregnant I started going to the doctor to find the cause. I got multiple blood tests done that told me my hormones were mostly normal and I was ovulating. McKay was tested and passed with flying colors. We were told to try for another three months and then to come back if we weren't successful. We weren't successful. A few more blood tests told me I have hypothyroidism. My body doesn't make enough thyroid hormone which affects my ability to get pregnant. So I got on some meds. I also started seeing a holistic doctor because anything helps. He helped us feel hopeful again. We went through good times and bad times and had been feeling down for a while. When we saw the holistic doctor he helped us see that my body wasn't that far off from where it needed to be. It felt like he was invested in our story and as if he truly wanted to hear that we were pregnant. It was nice to feel hopeful again

That brings us to almost current time. I had a hysterosalpingogram done in February that showed normal results and I am still monitoring my thyroid. We are trying to be a little more assertive in trying to find a cause because, as of now, there is no explanation for our infertility. So I'm sure there are more tests and more learning to come. But we are happy and doing well. We have reached a point where we don't expect to be pregnant anymore. As sad as that sounds, it's actually a good place for us to be. When we just don't expect it, its easier to handle. When we get a positive pregnancy test we will both be extremely surprised and overjoyed.

So, while McKay and I are going through the trial of infertility I want to make this post my try to reach out to the other couples that are having similar troubles. Dealing with infertility is not easy and I won't pretend that it is. I want to let others know that despite the heartache and loneliness my life is filled with happiness.

 I know that this trial comes from God, and God knows what he's doing in giving us this trial. We continue to trust His timing and trust that he knows what is best for us. That keeps me going.

Days with McKay

Well, last week was the first official week of my crossfit bootcamp. I feel like it has already started to give me more energy and I feel encouraged to get out and hike, walk, and just be more active. I feel good, even though the workouts are sometimes exhausting. 

On Thursday McKay only had to work for four hours. So we had a nice morning together with a yummy breakfast. I love having slow mornings with the love of my life. It starts my day off wonderfully. I dropped him off at work about eleven o'clock and then decided to find a place to walk or hike instead of going home right away. I had the dogs with me and they needed to get some energy out. I found a walk/hike along a canal and it was better than I expected it to be. The canal was empty and the path was just gravel with some slightly rocky areas. The day was overcast and rain was predicted, but it wasn't really too chilly. It was a really enjoyable walk. The dogs ran all over the place. Since I didn't have a ball to throw for them I tried to see if they would chase a rock I threw. They did! I threw rock after rock down into the empty canal and the dogs (usually just Scout) would run down into the canal and find the rock I threw, sniff at it for a minute, and then come back up the bank. I was surprised they actually chased the rocks. It was so fun watching them. The path went up into the foothills and it started raining, but not enough to make us turn around. We were enjoying it too much. Eventually the rain did get too heavy and we were close to how far we wanted to go anyway. So back to the car we went. 

McKay also had Friday off from work. We decided to explore the Museum of Art on BYU campus. We'd explored part of it before, but we wanted to finish. Its bigger than I thought it was going to be. When we pulled into the parking lot we were surprised by how busy the place was. We drove around for ten minutes and couldn't find a parking spot. We finally decided to stalk a family as they came out of the museum and walked to their van. We stopped and turned on our indicator. They slowly pulled out, backing towards us, and drove off down the aisle. When they had backed out towards us another car had pulled up expecting to take the spot, the driver hadn't seen us. They took our spot and we were done trying to find a parking spot. So we had a change of plans. We headed to the puppy barn to cheer us up. And cheer us up it did. Lots of cute cuddly puppies licking our cheeks. Its one of my favorite places! We went back to the museum afterwards and found a parking spot. My favorite thing there is this rainbow made of thread. It comes down from a skylight and is so pretty! I wouldn't mind it in my future house, maybe on a smaller scale.

The day was a good one. I love being able to spend full days with McKay. We have so much fun together. It reminds me of adventures we took together when we first started dating. Every so often we decided we'd rather spend a full day together than go to our classes. I know, not very responsible of us, but worth it! One specific time, we ditched classes and drove up towards Island Park. We visited Big Spring and got eaten alive by mosquitoes. There's a bridge that goes over the spring and there are some huge fish that hang out under it. A lot of people throw bread into the water and lure the fish out. As we were standing on the bridge we saw a big moose just down stream from us. We were far enough away that we didn't have to be scared of it charging. It was a cool sight. We drove up Sawtelle Peak, drove to West Yellowstone, and just had a blast being together.

 I love remembering the beginning of our relationship because it was new and exciting. Everything I learned about McKay was a new insight into who he was. It's fun thinking about how it was then, and comparing it to now. I'm still learning about McKay. I love spending time with him. We are so comfortable around each other and he makes me feel safe. He is still my escape and my secret keeper. He knows everything about me and has seen me at my worst, but still tells me I'm beautiful. He is the kindest man I know. He always wakes up happy and treats everyone well. McKay is my best friend. I am so glad I chose him to spend the rest of eternity with. Its going to be a fun eternity.