Our Journey with Infertility

I created this blog so that I can keep my friends and family in the know. I want them to be involved in my life and to know how we are enjoying life. I also created the blog and titled it "Joy in the Journey" to try to force myself to see the Joy in the Journey. 

The idea to start a blog like this came from a friend of mine who has been going through a pretty tough trial for that past 6-8 months and has started a blog to try to reach out to those who need help finding joy. I'm not sure if she realizes just how much I admire her ability to share what she is going through and to use this trial to serve others; to show others that, although there are trials, we can find joy, we can count our blessings, we can still believe that life is good. I love reading her blog because she always shares tough times and blessings in the same post. In fact, she often shares that tough times are blessings. It is inspiring. 

So my current struggle is with infertility. McKay and I got married in August 2013 and by February 2014 were ready to bring kids into our life. I knew that my body needed some time to adjust after I went off birth control so the first month or two of negative pregnancy tests weren't surprising. We both got extremely excited about the prospect of having a baby within the next year. I started researching what type of birth experience I wanted to have. I watched a lot of documentaries and read a lot of books. I even went so far as to look at OBGYN's and midwives nearby. I knew what I wanted when the time came.

But month after month passed and there was never any exciting news.
We had a group of newly-wed friends that slowly, one by one, started announcing their pregnancies. We were so ecstatic for them. We were also a little confused and heartbroken. Why wasn't it happening for us? It was difficult. A big reason why it was difficult is because of the private, and sacred, nature of how life is created. You just don't go around telling people about that. We both felt like we couldn't ask if anyone else was having trouble and we couldn't just tell someone that we were having trouble.

As dramatic as it sounds, we continued on silently. We kept our struggle to ourselves.

I avoided a friend's baby shower because I had gotten a negative pregnancy test only a few days before. I wanted to be there to support her, especially since the shower was held in the same building we lived in. But I was feeling emotional that day and didn't feel like I could be as enthusiastic as she deserved.

It was tough meeting new people. After finding out how long we had been married the next question was often if we had kids. When we politely said not yet we received a variety of responses. "That's smart to wait till you're done with school", or, "Good, enjoy the time you have just the two of you". We had started trying before either of us were done with school, and although we definitely see it as a blessing now, the time we spend just the two of us has been three years of wishing it was the three of us.

The point is, we didn't feel like we could tell people that we had been trying to get pregnant. We felt like it would be awkward and painful. After about a year of no success I finally had enough of keeping it secret. I wanted our family to know. I knew if we wanted a miracle we needed prayers from those who love us. I emailed my whole family, Rosa's and Warnick's. We received such an outpouring of love and support, and a much needed joke to help lighten our moods a little. 20 extra people were praying for us. Honestly, once our family was in the know I felt like we had a lot more strength and patience poured out on us from the Lord. Right now is not when the Lord wants us to have a baby, but the prayers from our family have definitely blessed us with what we need to endure.

Once the word was out to the family I felt so much better. I realized that before I was able to talk to others about it, all of our feeling of sadness, heartache, and confusion were kept cooped up. They ended up filling us to the brim to the point that it was all we could think about. Opening up was so relieving. I ended up telling a few friends and then another year later opening up completely. Infertility and all that goes with it is a very taboo topic in today's world and I knew that I wasn't the only one that needed someone to talk to about it. I wanted to raise awareness and let other couples know they weren't alone.

Meanwhile, after we hit our year mark of trying to get pregnant I started going to the doctor to find the cause. I got multiple blood tests done that told me my hormones were mostly normal and I was ovulating. McKay was tested and passed with flying colors. We were told to try for another three months and then to come back if we weren't successful. We weren't successful. A few more blood tests told me I have hypothyroidism. My body doesn't make enough thyroid hormone which affects my ability to get pregnant. So I got on some meds. I also started seeing a holistic doctor because anything helps. He helped us feel hopeful again. We went through good times and bad times and had been feeling down for a while. When we saw the holistic doctor he helped us see that my body wasn't that far off from where it needed to be. It felt like he was invested in our story and as if he truly wanted to hear that we were pregnant. It was nice to feel hopeful again

That brings us to almost current time. I had a hysterosalpingogram done in February that showed normal results and I am still monitoring my thyroid. We are trying to be a little more assertive in trying to find a cause because, as of now, there is no explanation for our infertility. So I'm sure there are more tests and more learning to come. But we are happy and doing well. We have reached a point where we don't expect to be pregnant anymore. As sad as that sounds, it's actually a good place for us to be. When we just don't expect it, its easier to handle. When we get a positive pregnancy test we will both be extremely surprised and overjoyed.

So, while McKay and I are going through the trial of infertility I want to make this post my try to reach out to the other couples that are having similar troubles. Dealing with infertility is not easy and I won't pretend that it is. I want to let others know that despite the heartache and loneliness my life is filled with happiness.

 I know that this trial comes from God, and God knows what he's doing in giving us this trial. We continue to trust His timing and trust that he knows what is best for us. That keeps me going.